#Hand habits how to#
#Hand habits free#

Like, it’s not super one way or the other. I feel like my gender expression also is a bit confusing for people.

And I feel like it’s always very difficult to put that into the capitalist framework of selling your work as well when you actually are truly open to trying tons of different things and not being super presentable in a really clear way. I find that that’s all very linked to play as well - like being open to play in your life in so many different ways, whether it’s gender presentation or exploring different expressions of music. But also, I think to open yourself to the continuum of it, of the experience of being a person who is open to growth and change, that’s kind of also part of being a musician. Meg : Yeah, like imagine not having context for the people that you were that you were unsure of. And thinking about not having a past sometimes is a fantasy that I have - not in an erasure sort of way. But there is this whole past, and then now - I don’t think I’m in the future from that past, but there is such a terrifying, but also beautiful and inspiring, feeling of, Well, what can it be next? And this idea that you can do whatever you want in the way that you present, that links so closely to music for me. Someone sent me a photo of what I looked like in 2015 recently, and I was just really freaked out by it but then also, I loved her too. Maybe you can relate to this - I see a very hard divide between when I started HRT and before that. And as a musician too, and I think they’re really interlocked. Meg : I was thinking about that recently in terms of gender presentation a bit, because as a trans person, I have gone through a lot of very different ways of presenting myself.

#Hand habits free#

It’s kind of what trying to be free in your life normally opens up - it opens up both liberation and… And also a framework for fitting things into - I feel like little kids have the most basic possible framework for fitting things into, which is liberating and also terrifying at the same time. They don’t really have a concept of the past yet. And I think sometimes, as we get older, we lose that because we start to develop a past. It helped me sort of be more in the moment, sometimes, when being around children, where whatever is in front of them is the thing that requires the most attention. My friend has a child that I’ve really connected with, and they’re experiencing so much at a rapid rate, and it must be… I don’t know. Meg : Being around kids has taught me so much about play, too. I’ve been around some kids, and I’m excited for our friend to have a baby too, because we’re going to be able to see that baby just grow up from ground zero, you know? Meg : I think I have more of an understanding when it comes to some of the more pressing emotions - or I have an understanding as to how not to launch from them into reaction. Meg : I’ve been doing a lot of talking to my younger self, and thinking about so much of your reality as a child is ruled by emotions you don’t understand, and I feel that way as an adult sometimes, too. Whereas I was like, “Hey, see this shed? This is a drum, check this out!” And just drumming on it.

And I remember thinking, also, of just how the world is scary and you’re learning about it, but also it’s so open with possibilities. A friend came over with a kid the other day, and I had just met the kid and we were just playing around. Because I feel like so much of it comes from this these internal feelings that we then rationalize - the feelings are where a lot of those things start. I like that - making up the rules of the world as you’re in conflict. And I remember just looking at them and thinking, Oh, yeah, that’s kind of what everyone is always doing all the time.

#Hand habits how to#

They were two and five or something, but it was a fight about like, “You can use one of my shoes, but I use the other one.” You know, it’s baby style, like you’re just kind of making up the rules of the world in the moment and then trying to figure out how to make it work. And they were fighting about… none of it made any sense at all. I mean, my siblings both have kids and maybe four or five years ago, I remember watching two of them fight. Meg : You come out screaming, and everything is new. And also, it seems really terrifying to be born. Meg : It’s probably really terrifying to have a baby. I had to uninstall and reinstall all my software.

Did you figure out your technical difficulties? Meg Duffy : Are you in your studio at home? Annie Fell, Editor-in-chief, Talkhouse Music Jerry Paper’s record Free Time was just released by Stones Throw in April, and now they’ve just kicked off their summer tour, so to celebrate, the two friends hopped on a Zoom call to catch up about it all. Meg Duffy is a songwriting and guitarist who performs as Hand Habits Lucas Nathan is an experimental electronic artist who performs as Jerry Paper.